"That Word"

That word.  Death.  It needs no adjectives.  It stands alone.

“That word” draws a variety of emotions out of humans…fear, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, depression, and many others.  As parents, most of us anyway, we want to protect our children from “that word” for as long as we can.

You know the drill.  Nemo goes belly-up in the fish tank, and we hurry to buy Nemo #2 before our young children see the bobbing orange shimmer at the top of the tank.

THEN, Rover dies.  And you ask yourself, “Ok, what do I do or say now?”  Got it!  I will say Rover went to visit his Grandma.  He missed her.  That’s it…that is what I will say.  She will believe it.  But, you can only protect them for so long.  Eventually, we all lose people and pets we love and the reality of “that word” sets in.

As I near my 50^th birthday, I have come to realize this is the age where you really start losing people in your life:  high school classmates, aunts and uncles, neighbors and friends.   And, this is a typical age to lose parents.  My mother is still with me, but I lost my dad in December. 

Reality of “that word” is hitting me hard.  My soon-to-be 50 year-old body feels it.  My soon-to-be 50 year-old mind feels it too.  It’s actually kind of funny how you begin to talk to yourself.  You say things like…“Well, it’s possible that I could live to be a 100.”  Then I smile.  Then I say, “But, that is unlikely.  Most of my family passes in their late 60’s and early 70’s.  And, if I follow suit, that means I only have 20-30 years left.”  Depression sets in.

Age makes a difference in how we perceive “that word” in our own lives.  Remember what it was like as a teenager?  You could drive any way you wanted.  You feared nothing.  You ate what you wanted.  You had your whole life in front of you.  Dying was something that happened to old people. 

Then you enter your 30’s, and you start thinking about things like life insurance and retirement.   You say to yourself, “These are things that I will plan for, but it will be YEARS down the road before I will ever need them.”

Next, you enter your 40’s.   You may have a child who has begun to drive.  So, now you are thinking about “that word” a lot.  But, you fear “that word” more for your children than yourself. 

THEN, you enter your 50’s!  I am not there quite yet, but I know the focus is more on my own health.  The hot flashes remind me daily that I am no spring chicken!  And, my clothes are shrinking??  What’s that about?  I am also growing more hair than ever before, but in places where it shouldn’t be.  What’s that about? 

My own mortality has hit me in the face like a rotten shepherd’s pie.  I am overweight, have health concerns and rarely exercise.   I have decided it is time to get healthy at 50.  The first thing to happen will be the elimination of most bread and sugar.  Second thing will be to move!  I hope positive lifestyle changes will keep “that word” far, far away.  Women of menopause…please stay tuned!