Who would have thought it would take me to the age of 50 to figure out where to pick up men? But, this is true! I am not looking mind you, but I have finally figured it out!
My momma always said, “The kinda man you find is based on where you look for ‘em.” She said church was the best place to look…and I am sure she was right. I, however, found my husband in a bar, but thankfully he joined church and calmed down a little!
So, where is this magical place to find men? At auctions!
Yes, I have been to estate sales, yard sales, garage sales and barn sales, but at no time was I hit on like I was at the public auction I attended last weekend. Yes, ladies, you can get more than a retro cat clock with eyes that “tick” at an auction!
And, the best part is that you don’t even have to bid on them…they offer themselves up for free! But, you have to remember; people have boxes of free stuff at yard sales all of the time…that requires a special person to take. Just sayin!
The strangest part of all is that I was actually rather sick from heat exhaustion when I was hit on. The auction was inside, but the air conditioning was not working properly, and it was warm! And, as usual, my menopausal body decides to have a hot flash. Between the 95 degree heat and the hot flash, I got pretty sick, pretty fast.
So, I decided to start up my car and sit in air conditioning for a few minutes to cool down. It was hard to pull myself away from the auction because they were selling some really great stuff. But, it would not have been pretty for anyone to see me pass out…and I was getting close to that point. I had already dropped a metal goblet drawing everyone’s attention to me. That was embarrassing enough. Passing out next, was not going to happen!
As I sat in my car, completely enjoying the cool air, with my eyes closed, trying to picture myself in Alaska sitting on a big iceberg, I opened my eyes to a man leaning back on the wall of the auction house staring at me. He was smoking a cigarette with one leg bent behind him perched on the wall, and he gave me a big grin. Felt like a scene from “Deliverance.”
He then started walking toward my car. I reached beside me and locked my doors. He proceeded to get into the truck sitting next to me, and he rolled down his window. He said something I pretended not to hear because my window was up. And, though I truly did not know what he said, I knew I did not want to know. I quickly got out of my car and practically ran back into the auction house.
Ok, I was safe, and I would never go outside and get in my car alone again. But, the time came to pay for my items and load them up. But, I had bought a set of dishes that I could not carry to the car myself. So, a really nice, nice-looking man offered to put them in the car for me. As he set them in my car, he asked, “Are you feeling better?” I said, “Yes, I just got overheated…I’m a little embarrassed.” He then said, “Do you know what makes me hot?” I said, “I have no idea.” But, I knew what he was going to say! He said, “Hot women,” as he was looking down my blouse! UGH! This time, I got in my car and said, “Buh buy.”
So, I have pondered these events over and over in my head. Part of me is thinking, “Seriously, these guys are old enough to be my father.” And another part of me is thinking, “Huh, Kim, you are getting older and going through menopause. But, you can still work it girl!”
May your hot flashes be mild and your wrinkles even milder!