Trapped by the snow: 10 nice things you can do for yourself

It it cold and gray and the snow keeps coming down and piling up. (The picture is a two foot bucket in my backyard.) It seems like a good time to think about some things any Mom can do for herself without much fuss or money. My only expertise in this area is being a Mom like many Moms who doesn't often put taking care of herself on her to do list. 

So here are some thoughts.

1. Take an extra long shower, take a few extra minutes to deep condition your hair and use that fancy soap that seems too good to use everyday.

2. If you have pets. Play with them. Throw the ball for your puppy. Get out the laser pointer out for the cat. It makes them so happy, it will brighten your day. 

3. Watch the first Netflix movie or On Demand movie that catches your eye. No judgement. Not even on yourself. Why is it that the longer you spend trying to pick something to watch the more particular you become because, you know,  you invested so much time in picking. I watched a fairly terrible movie earlier today. All the way through. I'll admit it. When I'm done here, I'm tuning into Hallmark I'm really hoping for an Ed Asner cameo and the main female character being or becoming a chef.

4. As Hallmark commercials keep reminding me as we get older we get drier.  Splurge a little on some deep moisturizing lotion and keep it on within arms reach or your favorite chair. (That's what they are talking about in the commercials, right? Dry skin?) Also, a tube of Chap Stick or Blistex should always be on hand.

6. Invest a little money in a good pillow or two. How much time do you spend in bed? How important is sleep? You don't have to go broke. Check out Big Lots or Overstock.com for good deals or use the many discounts offered by Kohls.

7. Hold on, I'm about to get all Zen-y but celebrate the good things you've done today,  the ways you have loved people in the right way and the times you have been kind just because it was the thing to do. I know I can dwell too long on the many, many things that have gone wrong.

8. Tell somebody who is important to you that you are glad they are in your life. It will help the both of you.

9. Write something just for yourself. It doesn't have to poetic or a work of great fiction just put your fingers to the keyboard or a pen to paper to organize and get out some thoughts. If you are like me, the unbridled and cluttered brain can get very noisy place.

10. Stand up for yourself but without malice. If you get pushed stand firm and hold your ground but try to do it for yourself not out of spite. If you figure out how to do that, please let me know. If I master that, you'll be the first to know.

Shout out to Poland, one of 14 countries and counting where we've reached Menopausal Moms. Menopause is universal!

Mary M.

You are welcome! The Hallmark Holiday Movie Drinking Game

You're welcome All Moms but especially Menopausal Moms!

We all share a perverse fascination with the  Hallmark Holiday Movie, which I discovered last year. (See earlier posting I'm Mary.)

If you say you don't like the good Hallmark (of slightly more racy Lifetime version) I know you are lying.

But I've indulged too early in the wonder that is the Hallmark Holiday Movie. I have already had multiple viewings of  Princess for Christmas, Cookie Cutter Christmas, A Boyfriend for Christmas....all blandly charming and still engaging in the way one loves an ugly holiday sweater. But my addictive, wrongly-wired brain being what it is, I crave new stimuli and the movie itself in't working anymore. I need more.

So I have invented the Holiday Movie Movie Drinking Game (patent pending)

The rules are clear and simple. You take the designated number of drinks when the specific event takes place in a Hallmark Holiday Movie. The rules can also be applied to the slightly more PG-13 ABC Family Holiday movies where there is sometimes kissing or Mr. Wrong or Mr. Right shirtless, smooth and ripped. ( I may need to explore more of those titles.)

The rules  can also be applied to any title that comes up when you type the 12 Dates of Christmas into Netflix. (Starring Mark-Paul Gosselaar. Zach from Saved by the Bell! You are welcome, again.)

Now, while I support the use of boxed wine or whatever spirits raise yours. Since we are MMofKY  support the uniquely Kentucky drink, Bourbon. Invented, according to the sign posted near the creek by my house, right here in my hometown.

I do not, however,  support use of any of the Skinny Girl products because I've come to hate Bethenny Frankel. (Another story for another day)

For those of us who prefer a chocolate high to one from chardonny use Kit-Kat minis or "a bite of sugar cookie" whenever the rules call for a shot.

But here you go.......12 rules for the 12 Sips of Christmas.

1. One drink if the main female character, dubbed by me as a "Holly", wears a slouchy knit hat.(Usually white, both Holly and Hat)

2. One drink if the main female character, known broadly under the character "Holly" has the specific  name: Holly, Joy, Joelle, Krystal, Kristine, Kristie, Noel or Melody.

3. Two drinks if the movie writers go all in and whip out Mary, Meri or Eve.

4. One drink if the Mr Right wears a manly scarf.

5. Two drinks if Mr. Right carries a man-purse-like messenger bag.

6. One drink if Mr. Wrong makes his first appearance in a dress shirt and tie.

7. Two drinks if Mr. Wrong makes his first appearance in a full suit and tie.

8. One drink if the movie features people of color in the background of a scene as the Holly goes to the mall or Mr. Wrong's office.

9. Two drinks if a person of color is cast as an authority figure such as doctor, lawyer, police officer or judge. (This is how the above-mentioned writers apparently make up for the fact that Mr. Right and the Holly are very rarely anything but white and white and often on the very palest end of the white scale. )

10. One shot if you detect the "aboot" for "about" accent that comes from what appears to be a cast largely recruited from Canada.

11. One drink if you recognize an actor for somewhere such as, true example, "that's Magda the overcooked neighborhood from Something About Mary  playing the daffy sidekick."

12. Two drinks if you actually can name the actor. Example: That wacky inn keeper is Florence Henderson beloved Mom from the Brady Bunch and, more recently and weirdly, the life coach for the reality show featuring the real grown up Peter Brady and his now-ex wife who won the fist America's Next Top Model. (Apparently Florence is a better actor than life coach.)

13. Bonus shot: Anytime the main Holly or the mother of a Holly, Mr. Wrong or Mr Right  has red hair.


Be safe. Drink (and snack) responsibly.


Disclaimer: Menopausal Moms of Kentucky, heretofore referred to as MMofKY, is not responsible for any bad decisions made after, or during, the playing of 12 Sips of Christmas. Please do not operate heavy machinery after or during the play of  12 Sips of Christmas. This includes not-so-heavy equipment such as  Ipad, Iphones, Kindles, any other tablet product or other cellular devices which might lead to unwanted revleations that could lead to extremely tense Christmas dinners.
MMof KY legally declares that 12 Sips of Christmas should not be played alone, unless you have had a really bad day.  In that case, we won't tell anyone. If you experience a surge of joy lasting longer than 4 hours after playing MMofKys 12 Sips of Christmas, well, roll with it and consider yourself lucky. If you experience viewing a blue-tinged world you have likely taken some Viagra by mistake and that is a problem we can't begin to fix.  We would encourage you to re-examine your life, check how the medicine in your household is stored and contact a physician hotline immediately. We are not responsible for those bad choices, Menopausal Moms. 

Hi I'm Mary. I'm addicted to Hallmark Holiday movies.

My name is Mary. I'm addicted to Hallmark Holiday Movies.
I don't know why they call them holiday movies because there is only one holiday. Christmas. There is no Hanukah on the Hallmark channel. There is no Kwanza.
There is only Christmas. G-rated. Sugar-cookie sweet Christmas.
In November and December the Hallmark channel is filled with women named Holly and men with strong jaw lines who randomly come into their lives.
Last night a Holly met a Cowboy on a bus!
I like that the middle-aged moms in Hallmark movies are all slightly wacky and wise. They are played by character actors who just seem happy to  be working. The dads are all thoughtful and encouraging. They always call the Hollys "my little girl" and "sweetheart" and tell them how they will find the right man at the right time.
And they do.
Every single time.
Usually there are two men who want to marry the Holly.
You can tell the bad guys right away because their Christmas trees are all white and artificial. They also wear ties.
The good guys are often slightly scruffy, they like real Christmas trees and wear flannel. (And sometimes scarves, but in a manly way.) They also tend to have one of three jobs. Chef. Gardener. Carpenter. I think the last is a nod to chosen profession of the Lord Jesus Christ. People don't talk about Jesus directly in the Hallmark movies but his presence is implied.
There are a lot of weddings on the Hallmark Channel at Christmas.
They usually happen just days after the couple has a meet cute of some sort that could totally happen in the real world.
The other day a man showed up at a Holly's front door with a bow on his chest and stuff to make pancakes. Of course she let him in. Who wouldn't?


How, in 50 years, has a man never showed up at my door with a bow and breakfast fixings?
You also never know who is going to show up in a Hallmark movie. Ed Asner and Charles Durning have both been Santa Claus.
Martin Mull played the dad to the Holly who met the Cowboy on the bus. Henry Winkler. Roger Moore. Catherine Bell. Tonight I am looking forward to a movie with Harry Connick, Jr. Willie Nelson, Connie Britton and Lyle Lovett.  I get genuinely happy at the thought of it. I don't know but I am hoping Willie will be a Magic Elf or Santa in disguise. (He was Santa in disguise but he was also an angel. A twofer!)
Hallmark movies are really brilliant for what doesn't happen in them.
There are no divorces. There are no layoffs. There is no dust or fruit flies at the office.
Sometimes there are homeless people but only so the Hollys and the Carpenters can do volunteer work down at the shelter and realized as they are serving up Christmas gravy that they really, truly, madly in love.
In fact, on the Hallmark Channel, no one ever really seems to have to work unless they are a woman who is too focused on her career and misses her child's school play. But, if that's the case, an Elf or Santa or an Angel will steer her into the Christmas light and she will be redeemed. She will also appear for the first time in a soft pastel sweater to indicate she really is not a ball-busting executive but a nurturing Mom who momentarily lost her way. She will also probably wear a slouchy knit hat and look casual yet fabulous.
And that's that.
All tied up neat and tidy.
I find them an excellent counterpoint to knitting.
And, so, I will admit it. I'm addicted to Hallmark movies. It is sweet pablum for my brain. It is mashed potatoes with butter after a stressful week. It is a Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks.
It's a happy, happy place that I'm happy to visit. Admit it? You've gone there too. That's why they keep making them.
(If you enjoyed this or laughed a little or saw yourself...please comment. We would appreciate it. It's weird to share yourself with the world this way but we are having a blast. It would be awesome to have some feedback. Plus, there is a loooonnng season of Hallmark movies to come. There is one this week with Cougar Town's Josh Hopkins! Thanks for visiting MMofKY. It's not too much to say.....we kinda love you.)