I don't know why they call them holiday movies because there is only one holiday. Christmas. There is no Hanukah on the Hallmark channel. There is no Kwanza.
There is only Christmas. G-rated. Sugar-cookie sweet Christmas.
In November and December the Hallmark channel is filled with women named Holly and men with strong jaw lines who randomly come into their lives.
Last night a Holly met a Cowboy on a bus!
I like that the middle-aged moms in Hallmark movies are all slightly wacky and wise. They are played by character actors who just seem happy to be working. The dads are all thoughtful and encouraging. They always call the Hollys "my little girl" and "sweetheart" and tell them how they will find the right man at the right time.
And they do.
Every single time.
Usually there are two men who want to marry the Holly.
You can tell the bad guys right away because their Christmas trees are all white and artificial. They also wear ties.
The good guys are often slightly scruffy, they like real Christmas trees and wear flannel. (And sometimes scarves, but in a manly way.) They also tend to have one of three jobs. Chef. Gardener. Carpenter. I think the last is a nod to chosen profession of the Lord Jesus Christ. People don't talk about Jesus directly in the Hallmark movies but his presence is implied.
There are a lot of weddings on the Hallmark Channel at Christmas.
They usually happen just days after the couple has a meet cute of some sort that could totally happen in the real world.
The other day a man showed up at a Holly's front door with a bow on his chest and stuff to make pancakes. Of course she let him in. Who wouldn't?
How, in 50 years, has a man never showed up at my door with a bow and breakfast fixings?
You also never know who is going to show up in a Hallmark movie. Ed Asner and Charles Durning have both been Santa Claus.
Martin Mull played the dad to the Holly who met the Cowboy on the bus. Henry Winkler. Roger Moore. Catherine Bell. Tonight I am looking forward to a movie with Harry Connick, Jr. Willie Nelson, Connie Britton and Lyle Lovett. I get genuinely happy at the thought of it. I don't know but I am hoping Willie will be a Magic Elf or Santa in disguise. (He was Santa in disguise but he was also an angel. A twofer!)
Hallmark movies are really brilliant for what doesn't happen in them.
There are no divorces. There are no layoffs. There is no dust or fruit flies at the office.
Sometimes there are homeless people but only so the Hollys and the Carpenters can do volunteer work down at the shelter and realized as they are serving up Christmas gravy that they really, truly, madly in love.
In fact, on the Hallmark Channel, no one ever really seems to have to work unless they are a woman who is too focused on her career and misses her child's school play. But, if that's the case, an Elf or Santa or an Angel will steer her into the Christmas light and she will be redeemed. She will also appear for the first time in a soft pastel sweater to indicate she really is not a ball-busting executive but a nurturing Mom who momentarily lost her way. She will also probably wear a slouchy knit hat and look casual yet fabulous.
And that's that.
All tied up neat and tidy.
I find them an excellent counterpoint to knitting.
And, so, I will admit it. I'm addicted to Hallmark movies. It is sweet pablum for my brain. It is mashed potatoes with butter after a stressful week. It is a Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks.
It's a happy, happy place that I'm happy to visit. Admit it? You've gone there too. That's why they keep making them.
(If you enjoyed this or laughed a little or saw yourself...please comment. We would appreciate it. It's weird to share yourself with the world this way but we are having a blast. It would be awesome to have some feedback. Plus, there is a loooonnng season of Hallmark movies to come. There is one this week with Cougar Town's Josh Hopkins! Thanks for visiting MMofKY. It's not too much to say.....we kinda love you.)
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