I’m not ready for Depends…yet.

It seems my cookies have betrayed me. 

No, not Chips Ahoy cookies.  It’s those dang cookies within our computers that make note of everything we search  online. 

They have divulged the fact I, Kim York,  am 50 years old to the entire internet world. 

Now, when I open my email, not only do I have emails from companies who cater to people 50 years and older, but all of the advertisements surrounding my email inbox are also for products for people 50+.  UGH!

It’s as if, you turn 50, and you no longer buy any of the products you purchased when you were 49.  I do not need Depends undergarments, yet!  I can still wear my thongs as long as I choose.  Ok, I may not wear thongs, but I could if I wanted too!

And, reverse mortgages…really?  I am still working hard every day and I will have my mortgage paid off well before I retire.  Oh, and that’s another thing…AARP!  It’s like they stalk you when you turn 50.  AARP has life, auto, home and travel benefits.  I know because I receive mail from them every single day.  I am sure the postal service will never go out of business as long as AARP is mailing out information.

Then there is life insurance…yes, we must not leave our families in a situation where they would have to pay for our burial.  And, it is detrimental that I buy more now because the end is near.  It’s like a preacher staring you right in the eye stressing the possibility of eternal damnation, hell fire and brimstone if you do not have hundreds of thousands of dollars to leave behind.  I just want to be cremated, or possibly have my body donated to science. 

Turning 50 also means we must be in need of hearing devices.  “Hear what you have been missing.”  That is what all of the advertisements say.  Maybe I don’t want to hear what others have to say?  Maybe I would just assume be left alone!  Take for instance listening to the news, it is so depressing!  It’s never good.  Never.  It’s always bad.  Always. 

The most ironic part of the advertisements are the celebrities who advertise them.  Really, Lisa Rinna in her red carpet dress wearing Depends Undergarments??  Really?  Oh my goodness, if Lisa wears them, I have got to have them!  They will look great under my skinny jeans! 

But, I guess the most embarrassing advertisements are those for products like Viagra or Cialis.  They actually use older people for these commercials, but they always make the situations just a little creepy.  How often do you see two people in bathtubs at the ocean?  And really…they are in separate bathtubs? They need a better understanding of how things work before they take any medication, period!  Just creepy!

As much as I love cookies, my internet cookies have got to go! 
Bring on the Chips Ahoy!

May your hot flashes be mild and your wrinkles even milder.
Kim York

If it's the internet is it snooping? If you're a Mom is snooping wrong?

When I was about 13 or 14 I kept a diary. Like many things I did at 13 or 14 I did it mainly because I thought it was the thing I was spposse to do. I am pretty sure Marcia on the Brady Bunch had a diary and that's what cool, teen girls did.

It was really more of a notebook than a diary, there was no lock on it. I did  take to hiding in my room, under some pillows or in boots I never wore. I wrote the heck out of the diary. 

I told that diary everything for a while. I told that diary things I never dared tell my friends or, God forbide, my mother.

And I will admit now having a daughter who is two years away from being a legal adult if I found a diary where she wrote many, ok any, of the same things I wrote when I was 13 or 14 I would  be concerned.

So.....my Mom found my diary all those  years ago. That's the way I remember it. She didn't even come right out and say "I read about your escapades and, boy, you are in deep trouble." No, she alluded to and tried to get me into counseling. 

Looking back it was a reasonable, measured response focused on my well-being. Then the reading of the diary was a massive invasion of my privacy.
I was furious. In fact, I was so mad that, employing the logic of a teen girl, that I burned the damn thing. 

Yes, if you are going to read my deepest, darkest thoughts and replace it in my room and try to get me to talk to someone I am going to show you...... 

And, here's the other thing, I rarely after that kept any kind of diary. I rarely wrote something like this blog that talked about how I looked at things or what I was doing. What I felt was a betrayal at that age colored my behavior for a long time. 

Anyway, so here I am a Menopausal Mom who once had a diary I tucked under my pillow and in my boots and my daughter has the diary-equivilent of a Twitter account or Instagram or Facebook. (If you are a Menopausal Mom you laughed at the last part because no teen is really still on Facebook,)

So if I seek out the words and pictures she shares with the world am I snooping unnecessarily? Hypothetically, say, I happened mostly by accident on an unlocked version of those account that she thinks she's sharing with 249 of her closet friends would that make it a worse kind of snooping?
Fundamentally, is it wrong for a mom to snoop or is it a job requirement?
Over the summer at a family gathering my daughter broke the news to me in front of a crowd that she and her friends and then boyfriend had plans to go camping. Adults I trust were going to be along and there would be separate tents for boys and girls. Still, I was hesitant. My family joined in and I got a very unexpected piece of advice from my 84-year-old Mom. "What are you afraid of?" she said, "Are you afraid they are going to have sex? If they wanted to have sex they can do it your drive way. At some point you have to trust you raise them to make good decisions." This was my internal response mostly to the thought of anyone, especially my daughter, having sex in my driveway.

But when I thought it about my Mom had a point.
I feel like that logic extends to snooping. I should just say no to snooping unless there is a real reason for concern about her health and safety. Even then probably the right thing to do is  try to talk with her first You know, act like a mature responsible adult and create channels for meaningful, supportive communication.
Still, snooping seems a lot easier.
What do you think? Is it snooping and is it wrong?
Shout out to France. Yes, France. We have a reader or readers who have checked out Menopausal Moms. It just goes to show that Menopause and Moms are Universal.

Turning 50 is like attending a funeral…

Have you ever attended a funeral…walked up to the casket…only to hear someone say, "Don't she look good?" 

Really??  Have you ever seen a dead person look good?

And, what is the deal with all of the flowers?  The person is dead!

Typically, funerals are sad events, but many times families host "Celebrations of Life" to honor the dead and remember the great aspects of that person's life.

All of this is quite similar to what happens when someone turns 50 years old!  On Sunday, December 14th, 2014, I turned FIFTY!  I woke up that morning and thought to myself, "I cannot believe I am 50 years old!  …I am so old!!!" I was actually depressed!

Other people know you are old too!  On my birthday, people felt compelled to tell me how good I looked to be FIFTY years old!  And, they sent me flowers!  Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed them immensely!  But, my house began to smell like a funeral parlor…ironically!

And, yes, the day was definitely a celebration of life...what little I seemed to have left.  It was filled with wonderful birthday greetings and Facebook posts that were so sweet and nice…as you would expect epitaphs to be. 

Here is my top ten list of things said to me when I turned FIFTY:

Number 10:  Fifty is the new 40!
Number 9:   You look really good to be 50.
Number 8:   You are just getting warmed up!
Number 7:   You could actually say it is the 20^th anniversary of your 30^th birthday!
Number 6:   You are a HALF-CENTURY old. Wow!
Number 5:   The older you get, the wiser you get.  You must be a genius!
Number 4:   Welcome to the club!
Number 3:   My age was compared to a dog playing dead.  (This one came with a video.)
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10205649993832046&set=vb.1320168050&type=3&theater

Number 2:   Are you able to get a senior discount now?
Number 1:    Rudolph is celebrating his 50^th anniversary too.

All in all, my birthday was amazing!  My students threw me my first ever surprise birthday party.  

I attended the “The Nutcracker” ballet in Louisville with my husband, son and fellow Menopausal Mom, Mary. 

We ate at an amazing restaurant called, “The Rudyard Kipling.” (I HIGHLY recommend this place.  The food was amazing, and there was live music!) 

And, I only suffered one hot flash during the ballet. (I think the snow tricked my mind into thinking it was really cold!)  This was without a doubt, the best birthday celebration ever! 

The ironic piece here is that I had never had a birthday party or celebration to this point.  So, getting old does have its benefits; people feel sorry for you, and in turn, do super nice things for you!  It’s a good sort of sympathy!  I’ll take it! 

Kim York
"May your hot flashes be mild and your wrinkles even milder!"

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10205649993832046&set=vb.1320168050&type=3&theater

It's Time to Find Myself

An empty nest is not always a bad thing.  I do miss my children, but somewhere along the way in my roles of wife, mother and college student, I lost my identity.

Where did Kim, the painter, go?  Where did Kim, the singer, go? 

I knew she was in me somewhere, and today, Thanksgiving Day 2014, from the peacefulness of our cabin in the woods, I decided it was time to let her out.  Why today, you might ask?  I will tell you! 

My children are all grown and two of them have families of their own now.  And, I know the importance of building your own family traditions, especially when your family is young.  So, I never put pressure on them to come “home” on the holidays… because they are busy building homes of their own.  And, as a parent, that is what you want for them. 

As much as I want my children to see me as the center of their universe, I know that is not the case.  Right?  Yes, I know that is right.  So, I will make myself the center of my own universe.  I can do that.  Right?  Of course I am right!

For the first time ever, except for a small hamburger lunch for my husband and I, I wasn’t cooking on Thanksgiving.  I actually got to watch the Macy’s Parade.  Has it always been a big commercial for NBC television shows and Broadway plays?  I wouldn’t know because typically I am basting a turkey.  As much as it seemed like a big commercial, the parade was great.  Although, I do think there was a lot of lip-syncing.  I digress. 

After the NBC Parade, oops, I mean the Macy’s Parade, I decided to relax in my Jacuzzi.  I lit a “Mistletoe” Yankee Candle, turned Pandora holiday music on my laptop, added some great bath oil, my sweet Ashley bought me for Christmas two years ago, slipped into the tub and turned on the jets.  THEN, I jumped right back out.

It had been so long since I had taken time to slip into the Jacuzzi, that the jets had gotten a bit, shall we say, “dingy.”  And, the dinginess made it’s way into my bath. (This is also why I had not used the bath oil.)  

So, my husband and I took the time to clean the jets, and it is ready for another attempt tonight.  I can assure you, the dinginess will never happen again.  I will take time to smell the bath oil!

Tomorrow I plan to paint.  Hopefully my brushes haven’t rotted, but if so…I will buy more.  Kim is ready to appear and put her talents to work.  And, that is my goal as my 50^th birthday quickly approaches…to let Kim shine!

Do you have an empty nest?  If so, has it changed your life?

May your hot flashes be mild and your wrinkles even milder.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Kim