Turning 50 is like attending a funeral…

Have you ever attended a funeral…walked up to the casket…only to hear someone say, "Don't she look good?" 

Really??  Have you ever seen a dead person look good?

And, what is the deal with all of the flowers?  The person is dead!

Typically, funerals are sad events, but many times families host "Celebrations of Life" to honor the dead and remember the great aspects of that person's life.

All of this is quite similar to what happens when someone turns 50 years old!  On Sunday, December 14th, 2014, I turned FIFTY!  I woke up that morning and thought to myself, "I cannot believe I am 50 years old!  …I am so old!!!" I was actually depressed!

Other people know you are old too!  On my birthday, people felt compelled to tell me how good I looked to be FIFTY years old!  And, they sent me flowers!  Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed them immensely!  But, my house began to smell like a funeral parlor…ironically!

And, yes, the day was definitely a celebration of life...what little I seemed to have left.  It was filled with wonderful birthday greetings and Facebook posts that were so sweet and nice…as you would expect epitaphs to be. 

Here is my top ten list of things said to me when I turned FIFTY:

Number 10:  Fifty is the new 40!
Number 9:   You look really good to be 50.
Number 8:   You are just getting warmed up!
Number 7:   You could actually say it is the 20^th anniversary of your 30^th birthday!
Number 6:   You are a HALF-CENTURY old. Wow!
Number 5:   The older you get, the wiser you get.  You must be a genius!
Number 4:   Welcome to the club!
Number 3:   My age was compared to a dog playing dead.  (This one came with a video.)
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10205649993832046&set=vb.1320168050&type=3&theater

Number 2:   Are you able to get a senior discount now?
Number 1:    Rudolph is celebrating his 50^th anniversary too.

All in all, my birthday was amazing!  My students threw me my first ever surprise birthday party.  

I attended the “The Nutcracker” ballet in Louisville with my husband, son and fellow Menopausal Mom, Mary. 

We ate at an amazing restaurant called, “The Rudyard Kipling.” (I HIGHLY recommend this place.  The food was amazing, and there was live music!) 

And, I only suffered one hot flash during the ballet. (I think the snow tricked my mind into thinking it was really cold!)  This was without a doubt, the best birthday celebration ever! 

The ironic piece here is that I had never had a birthday party or celebration to this point.  So, getting old does have its benefits; people feel sorry for you, and in turn, do super nice things for you!  It’s a good sort of sympathy!  I’ll take it! 

Kim York
"May your hot flashes be mild and your wrinkles even milder!"

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10205649993832046&set=vb.1320168050&type=3&theater

Menopause has left me feeling deflated

Hello, It’s Mary….. Hello You Gorgeous Menopausal Moms!

It’s quite amazing what happens when losing weight and menopause coincide. I have lost 34 pounds since May. It appears that I’ve lost 15 pounds in each boob and four pounds scattered all across the rest of my body.

According to the National Cancer Institute, in a handy pamphlet about breast changes that aren’t cancer, when your hormone levels drop during menopausa breast tissue “becomes less dense and more fatty.” Apparently my lobes and lobules, crucial to milk creation, are also kaput.

(Kaput, by the way, is not the official medical term)  So I guess I was left with no density and more fat which left that particular area of my body while remaining in other areas. (Namely tummy and upper arms.)
In my case, again this is probably not how my doctor would say it, my boobs left to their own devices simply look deflated. 

Apparently that is not all that unusual.

 

Thankfully, a good bra, one size smaller, shoves them into the approximation of the space they once held on their own unassisted.  But, while I’ve never had a outsized, ongoing interest in their size and shape, it is kind of astonishing what difference a few months and a few pounds can make. I have looked in the mirror in a bit of wonder and awe. Somebody recently told me that older people are incredibly resilient because they are every adapting to a changing body. I totally get what they mean.

That doesn’t mean I’m sorry I have been losing weight.

I move through the world with more ease. I feel strong for maybe the first time ever and certainly the first time in a long time.

I’m kind of proud of myself. And believe me when I tell you if I can do it anybody can.

And, so far, I haven't had to go crazy.

I know some people do.  I have a friend who is a beast in the gym and a fiend at calorie counting. She has lost more than 50 pounds. And while she looks great, she seems to take little joy her transformation. And, unfortunately, she is also losing her hair.

I have taken a more laid back approach in part because the effort I am putting out is still showing some results. According to my Goggle Medical Degree that is because my friend had already been exercising pretty frequently while I had only been exercising my right to watch reality television while knitting. I think because of that I benefit from my slothfulness. 

My body is like, whoa, we’re moving!

What’s that about!?!

Boobs aside, which as we all know is where they go when we lay down, there have been other unintended consequences. My mouth literally watered the other day when looking at a pear, fig and feta cheese salad even though I’m not sure I had ever eaten that particular combination. It was delicious and I now have in my house the ingredients needed to make one. The second one was as delicious as the first. I soon will have a third.

Overall, actually, I have discovered an almost Pavlovian response to food stimuli that I never recognized before. I'm not sure that it is menopause-related but it is strange to notice at age 50. Maybe I have been spending too much time with my dog. 

I also know I have about 70 pounds to go before I am at the upper end of the range considered appropriate  for my height by those bastards at the National Institutes of Health. (I’m not sure I’ve been in that range since I was about 24 so I wonder about its validity.) Still it is something to shoot for and I’m heading in the right direction, one or two pounds at a time.

Here’s a weird thing. I feel so much better I forget how big I still really am. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking the current weight loss might be good enough and then see a picture and think…hmmmm…no you’ve got some work to do.

And, apparently, that's going to be a challenge because it's suppose to get significantly harder following menopause to lose weight. The Mayo Clinic says that has to do with the shift in muscle to fat as we age. It also offers these genius tips for menopausal women: Move more. Eat Less. Seek support.

I’ve been doing two of those, I guess now I’m doing the third. Feel free to support. I could seriously use it.

I'll keep taking the smallest of baby steps.

On Thanksgiving I ate turkey and gravy and stuffing and skipped the pie.

Today I met for the first time with my very own personal trainer. Maybe down the line she will have some suggestions about the boob thing. Or  maybe that's a bit too personal. I also think they are beyond being trained. #menopausal moms

It's Time to Find Myself

An empty nest is not always a bad thing.  I do miss my children, but somewhere along the way in my roles of wife, mother and college student, I lost my identity.

Where did Kim, the painter, go?  Where did Kim, the singer, go? 

I knew she was in me somewhere, and today, Thanksgiving Day 2014, from the peacefulness of our cabin in the woods, I decided it was time to let her out.  Why today, you might ask?  I will tell you! 

My children are all grown and two of them have families of their own now.  And, I know the importance of building your own family traditions, especially when your family is young.  So, I never put pressure on them to come “home” on the holidays… because they are busy building homes of their own.  And, as a parent, that is what you want for them. 

As much as I want my children to see me as the center of their universe, I know that is not the case.  Right?  Yes, I know that is right.  So, I will make myself the center of my own universe.  I can do that.  Right?  Of course I am right!

For the first time ever, except for a small hamburger lunch for my husband and I, I wasn’t cooking on Thanksgiving.  I actually got to watch the Macy’s Parade.  Has it always been a big commercial for NBC television shows and Broadway plays?  I wouldn’t know because typically I am basting a turkey.  As much as it seemed like a big commercial, the parade was great.  Although, I do think there was a lot of lip-syncing.  I digress. 

After the NBC Parade, oops, I mean the Macy’s Parade, I decided to relax in my Jacuzzi.  I lit a “Mistletoe” Yankee Candle, turned Pandora holiday music on my laptop, added some great bath oil, my sweet Ashley bought me for Christmas two years ago, slipped into the tub and turned on the jets.  THEN, I jumped right back out.

It had been so long since I had taken time to slip into the Jacuzzi, that the jets had gotten a bit, shall we say, “dingy.”  And, the dinginess made it’s way into my bath. (This is also why I had not used the bath oil.)  

So, my husband and I took the time to clean the jets, and it is ready for another attempt tonight.  I can assure you, the dinginess will never happen again.  I will take time to smell the bath oil!

Tomorrow I plan to paint.  Hopefully my brushes haven’t rotted, but if so…I will buy more.  Kim is ready to appear and put her talents to work.  And, that is my goal as my 50^th birthday quickly approaches…to let Kim shine!

Do you have an empty nest?  If so, has it changed your life?

May your hot flashes be mild and your wrinkles even milder.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Kim

You are welcome! The Hallmark Holiday Movie Drinking Game

You're welcome All Moms but especially Menopausal Moms!

We all share a perverse fascination with the  Hallmark Holiday Movie, which I discovered last year. (See earlier posting I'm Mary.)

If you say you don't like the good Hallmark (of slightly more racy Lifetime version) I know you are lying.

But I've indulged too early in the wonder that is the Hallmark Holiday Movie. I have already had multiple viewings of  Princess for Christmas, Cookie Cutter Christmas, A Boyfriend for Christmas....all blandly charming and still engaging in the way one loves an ugly holiday sweater. But my addictive, wrongly-wired brain being what it is, I crave new stimuli and the movie itself in't working anymore. I need more.

So I have invented the Holiday Movie Movie Drinking Game (patent pending)

The rules are clear and simple. You take the designated number of drinks when the specific event takes place in a Hallmark Holiday Movie. The rules can also be applied to the slightly more PG-13 ABC Family Holiday movies where there is sometimes kissing or Mr. Wrong or Mr. Right shirtless, smooth and ripped. ( I may need to explore more of those titles.)

The rules  can also be applied to any title that comes up when you type the 12 Dates of Christmas into Netflix. (Starring Mark-Paul Gosselaar. Zach from Saved by the Bell! You are welcome, again.)

Now, while I support the use of boxed wine or whatever spirits raise yours. Since we are MMofKY  support the uniquely Kentucky drink, Bourbon. Invented, according to the sign posted near the creek by my house, right here in my hometown.

I do not, however,  support use of any of the Skinny Girl products because I've come to hate Bethenny Frankel. (Another story for another day)

For those of us who prefer a chocolate high to one from chardonny use Kit-Kat minis or "a bite of sugar cookie" whenever the rules call for a shot.

But here you go.......12 rules for the 12 Sips of Christmas.

1. One drink if the main female character, dubbed by me as a "Holly", wears a slouchy knit hat.(Usually white, both Holly and Hat)

2. One drink if the main female character, known broadly under the character "Holly" has the specific  name: Holly, Joy, Joelle, Krystal, Kristine, Kristie, Noel or Melody.

3. Two drinks if the movie writers go all in and whip out Mary, Meri or Eve.

4. One drink if the Mr Right wears a manly scarf.

5. Two drinks if Mr. Right carries a man-purse-like messenger bag.

6. One drink if Mr. Wrong makes his first appearance in a dress shirt and tie.

7. Two drinks if Mr. Wrong makes his first appearance in a full suit and tie.

8. One drink if the movie features people of color in the background of a scene as the Holly goes to the mall or Mr. Wrong's office.

9. Two drinks if a person of color is cast as an authority figure such as doctor, lawyer, police officer or judge. (This is how the above-mentioned writers apparently make up for the fact that Mr. Right and the Holly are very rarely anything but white and white and often on the very palest end of the white scale. )

10. One shot if you detect the "aboot" for "about" accent that comes from what appears to be a cast largely recruited from Canada.

11. One drink if you recognize an actor for somewhere such as, true example, "that's Magda the overcooked neighborhood from Something About Mary  playing the daffy sidekick."

12. Two drinks if you actually can name the actor. Example: That wacky inn keeper is Florence Henderson beloved Mom from the Brady Bunch and, more recently and weirdly, the life coach for the reality show featuring the real grown up Peter Brady and his now-ex wife who won the fist America's Next Top Model. (Apparently Florence is a better actor than life coach.)

13. Bonus shot: Anytime the main Holly or the mother of a Holly, Mr. Wrong or Mr Right  has red hair.


Be safe. Drink (and snack) responsibly.


Disclaimer: Menopausal Moms of Kentucky, heretofore referred to as MMofKY, is not responsible for any bad decisions made after, or during, the playing of 12 Sips of Christmas. Please do not operate heavy machinery after or during the play of  12 Sips of Christmas. This includes not-so-heavy equipment such as  Ipad, Iphones, Kindles, any other tablet product or other cellular devices which might lead to unwanted revleations that could lead to extremely tense Christmas dinners.
MMof KY legally declares that 12 Sips of Christmas should not be played alone, unless you have had a really bad day.  In that case, we won't tell anyone. If you experience a surge of joy lasting longer than 4 hours after playing MMofKys 12 Sips of Christmas, well, roll with it and consider yourself lucky. If you experience viewing a blue-tinged world you have likely taken some Viagra by mistake and that is a problem we can't begin to fix.  We would encourage you to re-examine your life, check how the medicine in your household is stored and contact a physician hotline immediately. We are not responsible for those bad choices, Menopausal Moms.