Cinderella has given stepmothers a bad name

When I married my husband 21 years ago, along with him I received the most amazing blessing, two bonus daughters named Amanda and Ashley. 

Yes, officially they are my step-daughters, and I would officially be their step-mother, but really?  Who came up with the term, “step?” 

I did a little research to determine it is actually a Judaic term from Biblical times for men who would step in and marry the wives of their brothers when their brothers passed away.  In those days, it was an obligation of one brother to take care of the family of another brother who died.  That was noble.  Right?

Of course, for the women, I am sure they hoped the brothers were like the ones from “Property Brothers.” Oh yeah!  http://www.hgtv.com/shows/property-brothers.  

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I digress.

It is also said that a man/woman “steps” into a family as a father/mother when they marry someone who already has children.  But, many times, those children already have both a mom and a dad...they have just divorced.  So, I say the term “step” should be eliminated from family descriptions!

Look at Cinderella.  One of the most famous fairy tales ever, and both the step-sisters and the step-mother in this story were evil women.  This story annoys me for many reasons, but this one is the trump card!  It gave “step-mothers” a really bad name!

I never made the girls sweep the chimney, or haul in buckets of coal.  But, they did work as cashiers at the local grocery store in high school to earn extra spending money.  My dad was their boss, and he loved them dearly! 

More than anything I just wanted them to grow up and be happy.  They made (make) me happy every day. 

But, being a step-mom is a tough role, especially in the early stages.  You never know where the boundary lines are for anything…it is always a guess.   As the relationship grows, and the love grows with it, those lines become less and less blurred.  You become family.

My bonus daughters have grown into two of the most happy, successful and beautiful gals (inside and out) that a step-mom could ever ask for.  I couldn’t love them anymore if they were my biological daughters. 

And, as I approach my 50th birthday, I take comfort in knowing I can now go to them and whine a little if I am having a bad day...because the older I get, the more things seems to go wrong.  And, they will say, “It will be ok Kimmiebun.”  (To have your first name end with “bun” in our family is a term of endearment.)

And, my oldest bonus daughter, Amanda, has married an amazing man who also has a sweet daughter from a previous relationship.  So, Amanda is now a “step” mom, and I am now a proud “step” mimi. 

My sweet bonus grand-daughter, Sophie

Amanda, her husband, Paul and Sophie

The family

But seriously, where do the steps end?  There are so many steps!

Is this what we actually want to call someone who has entered our lives for what we hope will be “til death do us part?”  We don’t have such terms for parents who adopt a child.  They are still mom and dad. 

Something needs to change!  The total number of blended families grow every day and the steps get higher and higher.  Let’s tear down the steps and build something new!

I like the term “bonus.”  What do you think? 

Bonuses can be something a working person receives from their employer at Christmas time.  Those bonuses are always welcome…right? 

Bonuses can be something free you get in addition to something you have purchased.  Free stuff always puts a smile on my face. 

Bonuses can also be a reward for doing something right, or going above and beyond. 

For me, I would like to think I did something right to earn my bonus daughters.  They mean the absolute world to me.  I could not imagine my life without them.

Winning!

Kim York
May your hotflashes be mild and your wrinkles even milder.