Saturday, April 30, 2016

Four reasons the South is better than the Nawth

By Mary Meehan
The Accidental Sexter

I've enjoyed my time up Nawth but here are some ways that the South will always rule. Here are four.

Water and Waiters: At a restaurant in the South they bring you a big 'ole glass of water. It appears as if a welcome gift. In the north they first ask if you'd like sparkling or still. Then they bring you a tiny glass with the air that they are doing you a favor. Now, I understand that water is becoming a rarer resource but my tiny sipping glass is 1 percent of the water required to wash, rinse and repeat the beard of my server. (They all have beards)

Stars And Birds: At night in the South you can see stars. Lots of them. It makes me feel humble  and small yet connected to a much bigger something in the universe. And there is nothing I love more than hearing the symphony of birds every morning just outside my window. In the north there are stars, I'm sure, but you can't see them and there are birds but I assume they can't afford the rents in most cities as gentrification looms so have grudgingly relocated South.

Lines: People in the North are conditioned to stand in line. I think sometimes they line up by habit unaware of what they are waiting for. There are lines for everything. Coffee, groceries, crossing the street. Yes, there are lines in the South say, when snow is coming and everyone must buy milk and eggs and bread or when there is post-church Sunday rush at Cracker Barrel but at least there they provide rocking chairs.

"Those People": Only once have I heard someone in the South talk about poor or working class people as "Those People" and to be frank, she was a bitch who later scammed her family and friends out of tens of thousands of dollars. In the North I've heard "those people" so many times I've become militant about pointing out that "those people" are my people and also a majority of Americans.