The Accidental Sexter: Consider the Eggplant

🍆🍆🍆🍑🍌🍌🍑🍆🍆🍆

By Mary Meehan

Menopausal Mom of Kentucky

Apparently in emoji world a nice, firm eggplant means penis.

Not just any kind of penis but a particularly robust and lenghty penis at that.

I did not know this when I sent my fellow fellows at Harvard a string of emojis to celebrate the fact that I now have a phone which actully sends emojis. Previously I was literally writing out "happy face, happy face, winky face, cat."

Among first festive random selection was 📯🎂🎃🍀 and 🍆.

Yes, I sent a phallic message to an elite group of journalists from around the globe and their spouses.

It was brought to my attention by someone who went onto explain that many seemingly harmless emojis represent the kinds of behavior one generally does not discuss in mixed company, especially if you're from the South. 

Now, as the fellow from the place most famous for fried chicken and hillbillies, the expectations of my cultural awareness among the fellows runs pretty low. 

But I'm pretty sure the penis emoji was a surprise.

To be honest, emojis are a bit of mystery to me.

I didn't really become a texter until 2010. Until then I used my ☎️ mostly a ☎️. 

I started texting, slowy and badly, because the mothers of my daughter's friends are all a decade younger and texting was their preferred method of communication.

I still am not good at texting. I pick out letters with one finger. I envy those who text super fast with their 👍🏻👍🏻. I still don't completely understand why people go back and forth for five minutes to pick a restaurant via text when a conversation would take 10 seconds. But I digress.......

Learning that 🍆 means penis and has made me wary of many other emjois. 🍌👅💄👀 are just a few.

I now have 1,000 emojis on my phone and I've heard even 💦 have a special meaning. Is the world such a sexually suggestive place that a 🍑 is not a 🍑? Or a 🌽 is not an 🌽?

And I am not the only one who ponders what a sent emoji really means. On girl-centered movies and television shows young women whine endlessly about what a specific emoji from a boy really means. 

But even aside setting the idea that words and an extremely effective and precise way of communicating, what the hell are the 1,000 emojis on my phone for?

Who needs💉?

How often does someone text about a 🚽?

Does🗿 come up often in your conversations?

And, honestly, is this 🎅🏿 suppose to be Santa? It looks a lot more like an otter in a Santa cap.

But, in addition to learning not to post 🍆 I've put my glasses on and discovered that 👳🏻which I thought was a woman with short, white hair is really someone in a turbin. Not that there is anything
wrong with that.

But the bigger question is this: As We are getting more and more advanced with technology why are we reverting to the equvilent of modern cave paintings to communicate? And who, exactly decided tht a 📯 means a female orgasm

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